About

A short history

I spent a long time struggling to exist in the world. I had every mental health thing going. My childhood and early teens were less than ideal but after being rescued by my teachers (see Matilda for my story) and then again by my husband (genuine knight in shining armour) I managed to find my home, my people but I couldn’t find my place, couldn’t find peace.

I was still struggling. Just 24, one year sober, trying (and constantly failing) to have some semblance of ‘control’ over my emotions.

I tried it all.

AA (helped a bit then got a bit culty), therapy (opened all the boxes, nowhere to put the stuff), women’s circles (hugely helpful but still no idea what to do with all the stuff), menstrual cycle awareness (life saving, literally), yoga (probably the most helpful thing of all alongside nature) and yoga nidra (essential for life).

I quit the music industry to teach yoga full-time, toured with music, hosted wild woman retreats, hosted mountain biking and yoga retreats, trained in Well Woman Yoga therapy, discovered menstrual cycle awareness and yoga nidra, spent most of my time in the woods, hiked and wrote (a lot).

I slowed down, found community, met my stuff and developed what I thought was a chronic health condition. I was better than I had been in a long time but I was far from ok. I was still holding too much inside. Still trying to be someone I wasn’t (without even realising it).

Then 2021. Covid, the birth of my daughter and a year without sleep (which became three) cracked me open profoundly. It wasn’t at all pretty. But it was inevitable. You can only hold on for so long.

It felt as though it changed my nervous system completely but in fact it simply changed my relationship with the nervous system I’d always had. I discovered and finally accepted that I was more sensitive than I’d ever acknowledged. I finally understood myself.

And that understanding changed the course of my mothering and of my life.

I suddenly felt I had to stop offering my women’s work but I had no idea what was next but I jumped anyway.

And I began to weave my way home to who I was before I lost myself.

And the net appeared.

As I found my way back to animals.

I said yes to learning how to take care of alpacas and so began the best years of my mental health to date. I still wasn’t sleeping but I was content. Happy. Eating. Safe. The safest I’d ever felt.

It astounded me. It confused medical professionals. After my experience(s) I should be in a bad way. But I was thriving.

Outdoors, with animals, working with my whole body and mind with my daughter on my back.

I learned a gentle, respectful handling style called CameliDynamics and it gave me language for my own experience of life. Suddenly I could communicate my emotional needs with my husband and understand my experience, so similar to that of this nervy prey species.

I found my way home.

I then began spinning as a way of processing the many, many alpaca fleeces we produced every year but continued as a way of processing my mind and emotions. Spinning, knitting, felting and rug became the place my hands went to in the quiet moments. Turning pasture and water into yarn. Actual magic. Shifting anxiety and rumination into peace and creation. Serious magic.

Carly x

What I do

These days I spend much of my time unschooling my daughter, writing when the moment and the time collide (which isn't often!), offering yoga nidra recordings and facilitating spinning workshops.

I hope to get back to the land with my alpacas. When I do I will be sharing more about CameliDynamics and offering experiences for our wellbeing with them.

What Substack Means to Me

I like the idea of a future where we return to small businesses, cottage industry, bartering, shopping local and supporting the arts. Substack's (and Patreon's) values align to mine in this regard.

Subscriptions for creatives allows us to live more aligned to these values and still have an income. Which is huge. To those of you who sign up - thank you for being here and supporting my work. It really means so much.

Who I offer my work to...

The spaces I offer online and in person are for anyone who feels the call. If you have found your way here and it feels right then you are so very, very welcome.

I wonder if you’ve made your way here because you…

Feel more at home outside than in
Find the modern world bewildering and exhausting
Would rather own a Nokia 3210
Think nothing of having conversations with trees
Spend a lot of time thinking about the soil
Problem solve by wondering what our nomadic hunter gatherer ancestors would have done in any given scenario
Begrudge having to wear shoes
Love standing in the rain
Feel most comfortable in outdoors clothes and no make up
Grew up feeling more of a connection with animals than humans
Lived in books as a kid and could easily read for a solid 8 hours if you had the time
Would rather read a long-form piece of writing than watch a video
Felt lost and confused before you found your people or still do and are still looking (I hope you find them here!)
Dream of finding a patch of land for you and your friends
Would rather gaze into a campfire than a TV
May have a past that is in total opposition to your present (addiction, raving, office work, a mismatched crowd, a high powered job etc.)
Long to live closer to nature and her rhythms
Know (or are starting to) that you are an entirely different creature with different needs on day 1 of your cycle to day 14
Have started to notice that the alternative crowd that formed your teenage homecoming still bear the marks of that past (tattoos, good taste in music and a critical mind) but are more likely to be found in the woods or at their local regenerative farm than in the pit these days. Ancestral is the new punk.
Feel a primal knowing that the modern approach to pregnancy, birthing, post partum and parenting is entirely at odds with our well-being whether you are a mother or not
Have discovered traditional foods and are living your best life eating a whole heap of organic grass-fed tooth butter (a Danish word meaning so much butter that you can see your teeth marks in it) on organic homemade bread

I could go on but you get the gist.

My north star

At the heart of all of my work is the idea of rewilding.

Taking down fences, reinstating what has been missing and letting nature take its course.

Trusting in the unfolding natural processes beyond human management to bring nature back to equilibrium.

An invitation to take down the fences of our domestication, reinstate those things that have been missing and release control. Stepping into acceptance and surrender as we let nature take its course led by the wisdom of our intuitive hearts and bellies.